I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
