There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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