Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
