I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
