The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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