What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
