I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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