I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
