k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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