"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He told me they were just razor bumps!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
