Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
