I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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