Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
