Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
