a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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