oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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