32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
