So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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