I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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