im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize