GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
