oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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