ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize