just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I touched a dick in church today
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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