Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He passed out mid-signature
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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