You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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