yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize