look no pants
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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