tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I looked at my own cervix.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
