as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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