i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm passing your future prison.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
