i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
