I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize