listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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