ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
