Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
