Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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