You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
