im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize