yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
