Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
