I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
