I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
