remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
