She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize