I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize