So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
