Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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