actually, I'm a sock model
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
