glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
