Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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