i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
