y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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