I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize