Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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