Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
foreskin is a definite game changer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
