we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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