I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
