I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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