i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
