That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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