I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize