I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
