i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
