When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
