Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
