She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
