I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
